Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
