I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize