Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
