what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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