I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
