how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
