Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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