She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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