I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
