If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
