dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
