When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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