I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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