Apparently you make a good broom.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
