i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
