He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
