I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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