you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
