dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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