Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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