And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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