CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
