so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
