my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
