I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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