i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
