turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
