1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Soap is not a condiment
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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