Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
