hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's always time for handjobs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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