I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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