He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
