I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
