Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
