pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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