i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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