i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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