Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
