Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
