He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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