She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I understand Curling. That high.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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