dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
