i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
