I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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