Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
