I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
