i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i believe in u and ur pee
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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