dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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