i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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