It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
