he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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