CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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