I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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