We named our party play list daddy issues
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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