I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
