Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
