Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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