The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
