You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
