i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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