margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
