my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
