rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I supernannyed him into submission
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
