Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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