Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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