whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
