you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize