hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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