were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
