You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
