I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Are we still banned from the library?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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