Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
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