Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
