Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
