WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
