it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
