he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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