I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
