ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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