My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
