Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
