I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
