i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
