if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Shame is for Republicans.
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