We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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