Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
