I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
