I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
