My nipple is on Facebook.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
