I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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