So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
