Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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