i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
