Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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