Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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