You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
