So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
