my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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