no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize