what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
