Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
