At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
