some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
