Apparently you make a good broom.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
